15. Do you think your situation is different?

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I often talk to women about pining away for unavailable men and it brings me back to my own single years.

I used to be the poster child of pining away for men who weren’t interested in dating me.

I once refused to even try to date for YEARS because I was sure the guy I was crushing on at the time (who didn’t even live in my state anymore and was living with another woman) would come around

I wish that was the only time I did such a thing, but sadly it was a decades-long pattern for me.

Honestly, it is a miracle that I ever figured out dating and actually married a great guy which is a huge testament to the effectiveness of coaching and working on yourself!

So I know an unavailable man when I see one and I don’t let my clients BS themselves.

And I also know how hard it is to be in that situation.

We humans are infinitely capable of not seeing what’s right in front of us when we don’t want to.

But if you really want to have love in your life, you have to pick someone who wants to love you!

If there’s someone you’re wanting to be with or reach out to you who is not dating you right now, ask yourself why.

Why do you want to be someone who doesn’t want you?

Why are you making excuses for him?

Why is your situation so different? Write it down and then pretend that your daughter, friend, or a beloved niece came to you and told you these things. What would you tell her?

What would be so terrible about facing the almost certain fact that this person is not interested in being with you?

What is staying stuck in this situation keeping you safe from?

For me, it was keeping me safe from trying to date and be in a real relationship. I got the illusion of a romantic involvement in my life without actually having to risk anything. And facing the fact that these relationships would never actually happen was very painful for me, but ultimately very freeing.

When I saw how flimsy the excuses I was making for these men really were, I realized how I was lying to myself.

My friends who watched me go through this knew how far gone I was and were too kind to slap me in the face with the truth of it.

Yours likely are too.

But as a coach, it’s literally my job to tell you the truth, with love, so that you can have what you really want.

If there’s someone who is not asking you out, not reaching out to you, not pursuing you and this situation is ongoing, it is because he doesn't want to.

The exceptions to this rule are barely worth mentioning and never worth entertaining.

If you really want to have love in your life, please choose someone who wants to have it with you.

It is so much easier and more fun than making excuses for men who aren't interested in dating you.

I know because I’ve been there.

If you'd like to chat about how I can help you find a great guy, click here to schedule your time.