Find Love After 40

with Renée Suzanne

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18. Are you an alpha widow?

May 18, 20233 min read


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Buckle up ladies, there’s a truth bomb coming here.

So many women, including myself a few years back, need to take this to heart, so I’m going to spill the beans.

If you haven’t found anyone you want to date for months or even years, I want you to perk up your ears.

You might be an alpha widow.

According to the googles, an “alpha widow'' is someone who compares the men who are available to her unfavorably with a man (or men) she once dated, or even just had a thing for, that she feels was the best. 

Even though the relationship didn’t pan out and she’s not capable of attracting that man for a long term relationship, she sets the bar so high that she keeps herself from finding love.

This tends to intensify when we get older and think about the men we used to be able to attract and now cannot.

It’s tempting to think that men are just terrible and all want young hot women, but that’s not necessarily true. 

We all want to be with who we think is the best mate we can possibly get, but the key word here is “can”. 

You’re never going to get that alpha male who dumped you or didn’t call you back and comparing all the men who reach out to you to him will just keep you stuck and alone. 

Please don’t do this to yourself.

Holding out for impossible and often superficial standards and refusing to date the men who are available to you is not “refusing to settle”, it’s being delusional.

You’re already settling, my friend.

Settling for nights alone pining for someone who didn’t want to be with you; solo holidays, weddings, and vacations; and an increasing sense of bitterness about the whole thing.

If this is hitting home at all, I want you to know that there are plenty of men out there who would love to be with you.

You don’t need an alpha male or the one that got away.

You need someone who wants to date you.

That is the #1 most important quality a man can possibly possess.

So here’s what I want you to do:

Consider the bell curve from stats class.

Out of the last 100 men who’ve shown interest in you, the bottom 10% are probably awful and the top 10% are probably unattainable.

The middle 80% is your sweet spot.

You can even go for the high end of the middle, the top 60, 70, 80%.

Just don’t insist on the top 10% or the guy who got away.

Stop telling yourself that’s who you should be dating.

Because it isn’t true.

The guys you should be dating are the men who want to date you.

You’ll never get anywhere with a man who doesn’t.

If you’d like me to help you find a man who adores you, we need to chat.

I’ll take you through my before and after process and help you make a plan to find your guy.

You can schedule your time to talk to me here.

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