78. Dating is a marketplace

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We romanticize love, relationships and dating in our culture.

All the books and movies extol the magic and wonder of falling in love and present it as a miraculous and wondrous thing that descends upon us from another realm.

This sounds absolutely amazing and most of us humans want to have this experience in our lifetime.

We end up incredibly frustrated when it doesn’t look like it’s going to happen to us, and around the time we hit our 40s, we become increasingly discouraged and can often doubt whether it’s meant to be for us at all.

I think this is a shame and I want to offer you another point of view today.

What if there is no magic involved in the search for love?

What if I could show you that finding a connection and having love in your life is not only possible, but inevitable if you look at things a little differently and learn a few simple skills.

Because while the experience of falling in love will always be magical, the process of finding someone to share the experience with you can be a very practical undertaking.

This is fantastic news, because it means there’s actually something you can do to help yourself have this experience.

This episode is the first of a 4 part series where I’m going to break down some very simple and pragmatic ideas that will help you find a great guy to share your life with, no miracles required.

The only thing that is required is the willingness to look at things a bit differently and question your preconceived ideas about how love is supposed to happen.

Ready?

The first idea I want you to consider is that the world of singles who are seeking a connection is a marketplace.

There are a certain number of age-appropriate individuals in your geographic area who are open to having the kind of connection you want right now.

Of those people, a certain number of them will possess the traits you desire and be attracted to you.

These are the only people that you’re going to be able to have a lasting connection with.

You cannot control any of these variables except the number and nature of the traits you insist this person has and (to a certain extent) your attractiveness.

So in order to have the best chance of finding a loving connection in the least amount of time possible, the best thing to do is:

Get yourself in front of as many eligible candidates as possible

Make yourself as attractive as possible

Be as open as possible with regard to the traits this person must possess

It’s really not that much different than looking for a house in that respect. Everyone is looking for the best deal possible in a limited marketplace.

No one is going to go live under a bridge because they can’t buy a mansion right now. They’re going to “settle” for the sweet little fixer-upper and maybe go to Home Depot and buy some paint.

And, at some point, you might realize that you really didn’t want that mansion anyway. Did you really have the time and money for the upkeep? Would you have really used all those rooms? Were you just looking to impress people who don’t matter that much to you in the grand scheme of things?

But when it comes to finding a partner, so many people will refuse to do what they call “settling” and remain alone for years, hoping for lightning to strike.

They’ll scroll, swipe, sigh, then give up dating for a few months or years because no one meets their standards. And when they return, they’re a few years older and things look even worse.

I only know this because I did it myself.

Being alone when you don’t want to IS settling.

The world of dating is essentially a marketplace where there are a finite number of people from which to choose who must also choose you.

If you refuse to compromise on anything, you will continue to be alone, which is a good thing because you need to be able to compromise when you’re in a relationship anyway.

But if you learn to question your ideas about who is suitable and why, you stand a much better chance of connecting with an actual human in the not-too-distant future.

The alternative is remaining alone for years over an idea that has nothing to do with reality in the name of waiting for a miracle that has pretty much no chance of happening and becomes even less likely with the passage of time.

Life goes by so fast and you’re spending years alone getting older instead of with someone who could be a wonderful partner.

And what is so romantic about that?

It infuriates me that ideas like this are the source of so much misery in the dating world and I want you to question them so that you can get what you want in this world.

Today we covered the idea that dating is a marketplace. Next week, we’re tackling how to understand where you stand in this marketplace.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN.