40.  Do you feel like you shouldn't want a man?

Listen on your favorite podcast platform:

I was having a conversation with a friend the other day, and was sharing the story of how I made a promise to myself, when I was single, that I would do whatever it took to find the love of my life. 

She said “I thought you were going to say how you decided you loved yourself and it was OK if you never found love.” I found that to be really interesting because we hear that message so often.

There seems to be an undercurrent of messaging that if women love themselves enough, they won’t need, or maybe even won’t want a man to share their lives with. I think this is bogus and even harmful. 

I felt it when I was single as a subtle, and sometimes not-so-subtle shaming for wanting a loving connection with a man.

Why do people insist on pathologizing the very normal and healthy human need for love and connection? 

Especially romantic love and connection? 

You would never hear someone declare that if you loved yourself enough, you wouldn’t need a house to live in or a car to drive. If you loved yourself enough, you should just be able to go without food clothing. If you really loved yourself, you wouldn’t want that promotion at work, that raise, that successful business. If you loved yourself enough, why bother having children, isn’t your love for yourself enough? 

Obviously this is ridiculous. 

We all want things in life. I believe that our desires are like homework assignments from the universe, and any desire that doesn’t willfully hurt someone else is right and good. 

Our desires are what keeps us getting out of bed in the morning. They keep us engaged in the world and living and contributing to it. 

If you want to have a man in your life, congratulations! 

It doesn’t mean that you don’t love yourself enough, or that you are somehow inferior or weak. It means that you are a card carrying 100% normal member of the human race.

If you’re ready to get out there and date, you’ll need an amazing profile. 

⁠Click here⁠ to grab my free guide to help you write one.