107. He's perfect except he's not asking you out

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Back in my single days, my favorite flavor of dating dysfunction was pining away for men who didn’t want to date me.

I was so adept at lying to myself that I spent years nursing crushes on these men.

I was convinced that they would come around. They’d see how perfect we were for each other and that I was such a catch. My feelings were what mattered, not theirs. Obviously because we were perfect for each other! They would have to wake up to reality sooner or later right?

Well, not so much. And honestly, I can’t blame them!

What do you think of men who won’t take no for an answer and go on about how perfect you are for each other when you don’t want to date them? It’s not pretty is it?

So if you are indulging in this behavior, I want you to stop immediately.

He is not perfect for you because he doesn’t want to date you. The thought that he is perfect for you is an absolute lie, a poisonous fiction that is literally destroying your chances of finding love.

It is my belief that one of the reasons I did this is because it helped me to maintain the illusion that I was romantically involved with someone without participating in an actual relationship or taking any risk by putting myself out into the world of dating.

Consider if that rings true for you. What benefit do you get from indulging in fantasies about men who aren’t interested in dating you? Can you see what an absolute waste of time this is?

If you, like me, are extra stubborn, it’s time for an intervention.

I want you to seriously consider reaching out to me for coaching, because I can help you get into a real relationship. Go to bit.ly/ForeverMan to apply for my coaching program.

If you’re not ready to do that yet, here are some tips to DIY this.

Whenever you have the thought that he is perfect for you, write down the reasons he is not.

Reason #1 is that he has not asked you out/told you he only wants FWB, whatever the real situation is that you are hoping isn’t really true.

Men’s actions speak louder than words. Has he asked you out on a date? Is he treating you like his dream girl? If not, it’s because he doesn’t want to. Remind yourself of the facts instead of making excuses for him.

If he has actually told you that he doesn’t want to date you or only wants casual, believe him. Men do not say these things to women they want to date.

Remind yourself of this until you break the habit of believing he is perfect for you. A man who doesn’t want to date you is NOT perfect for you by definition.

The thought that he is perfect for you is just a thought error. It’s like a bug in a computer program that just needs to be fixed. It’s up to you to fix it, but you can.

Every thought that runs through your mind is not necessarily true, so learn to question thoughts that aren’t helpful.

Question them, challenge them and change them into thoughts that are more helpful. This requires work, but the rewards are so amazing.

I have an amazing resource that can help you write a great profile in just a couple of hours.

It’s called “Perfect Profile Toolkit” and it’s available now at a fraction of the cost of working with me as your coach.

If you’ve been wanting to work with me but not sure about taking the plunge, it’s a great introduction to my work.

Click here to get instant access or go to bit.ly/gr8profile.