Find Love After 40

with Renée Suzanne

find love

42. How to find out if he's seeing other women

November 13, 20234 min read


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How soon should you be exclusive with a man and how on earth do you find out if he’s actually seeing other women?

We ladies tie ourselves in knots over this because we want to be feminine and date men who pursue us and at the same time, if you really like him you want to know where you stand.

I think the best way to get this to happen is for it to be the man’s idea. Men are like cats and tend to do whatever the heck they want. Plus, it’s just a better dating experience to have a man who’s crazy about you and wants you all to himself versus one you have to chase, prod, nag and obsess about.

A relationship like this is the result of the dynamic that you create at the outset.

Here’s how:

First, position yourself as a woman who is up to something in life, has clear desires and boundaries and is not available for a bunch of nonsense in the dating world. The easiest way to do this is to actually be that kind of woman and communicate this clearly in your profile and in the way you present yourself in all aspects of your life. There’s no faking this and it starts with self-love and communication skills.

Next, you require certain treatment from the men you date. Generally, you require them to invest in you. 

Invite them to call you on the phone instead of texting endlessly. Make yourself available for dates in public places and locations that are convenient for you. Look for men who want to impress you, take you to nice places, pay for the dates, call you on the phone and ask you out again promptly.

Men will only invest in women they are interested in beyond a surface level. You can be a woman like that. You really don’t want a man who isn’t willing to invest in you.

Finally, make it clear from the beginning that you are looking for an exclusive committed relationship and are not available for anything else. This can be communicated in an elegant, feminine way. Most women shy away from doing this to their own peril.

Listen for disclaimers from men who may be trying to tell you that they are not interested in these things. These men won’t change their minds and fall in love with you. They will break your heart and then tell you that they warned you in the beginning. Don’t be naive about this.

A man should generally ask you to be exclusive within 4-6 weeks tops if not sooner. Especially if you don’t become intimate before then. He'll want to get that part of the relationship going, so some sort of conversation should come up around this.

You can always let him know that you aren’t interested in a casual relationship and that you’re looking for a committed exclusive relationship.

He should also be wanting to see you and call you more frequently, not less, as time goes on. You want the relationship to be escalating, not flatlining or de-escalating.

Men are not stupid. They know how to act like gentlemen and they know that women want to be loved, respected and committed to for the most part.

If he’s not asking you to take down your profile or if you’re seeing other men by 8 weeks at the very most, that’s really all you need to know. You can go ahead and ask him if he’s seeing anyone else at this point if you want to, but you’re probably not going to like what you hear.

If that happens, I recommend that you drop him instead of hoping things change. It’s much easier to do all this with a new man who wants what you want than it is to try to convert a man who’s not interested. Trust me on this.

I help all my private coaching clients date in such a way that they set up this kind of dynamic from the very beginning of every communication with someone new. It really is just a matter of learning some new habits and communication skills so that you can master this and create the kind of connection you really want with a quality man.

If you’d like to schedule a time to chat about how I can help you do this, ⁠click here.⁠

If you’re ready to get out there and date, you’ll need an amazing profile. 

⁠Click here⁠ to grab my free guide to help you write one.

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