32. How to pace a relationship without shooting him down

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I see so many women miss connections with promising men all the time.

Here’s how it often goes down.

She meets a guy on a dating site/app and he very enthusiastically pursues her. He sends her messages, gets her number, texts, calls her and tries to schedule a date with her.

She feels overwhelmed with the attention and shuts him down.

She then goes on to complain that there’s no one good to date or falls for the unavailable guys who could take or leave her and rarely message/text/call/ask her out.

She thinks that because they don’t pursue her as ardently they must be more desirable.

And, you know I’m going to say this: 

I did this all the time when I was single!!

But having a man get really excited about you is a good thing. It doesn’t necessarily mean that he’s insincere, is love bombing you or doesn’t have a life.

I will cover love-bombing in another episode, but right now, the short answer is that time will reveal the love bombers for what they are, and it’s your job to pace the relationship. 

You WANT a man who is excited about you. 

Here is what I recommend you do when you get one.

Give him your phone number after a few message exchanges and ask him to call you. If he ignores this and texts you anyway, thank him for the text and invite him to call you again. 

You want to have a live phone conversation that will result in him asking you to go on a date. Be prepared to actually agree to go on a date with him. Know when you’re available and have a few places in mind to suggest if he asks where you want to go.

Schedule that first date within a week or two of matching, tops! 

You don’t want to be messaging or texting on and on and on. There’s no way to tell if you’ve actually got a winner on your hands until you meet in person, so do this sooner rather than later.

When you do meet him, give yourself a chance to warm up to him. 

Attraction often grows over time. If you’re mildly attracted to him (5 or above on a scale of 1-10) and you like everything else about him, agree to a second date. 

You’re not leading him on, you’re giving him yourself a chance to warm up to him and women often warm up to men and that they weren’t super excited about it first. 

These men often make the best partners, but you’ll never know if you pass on him because sparks didn’t fly on that first date.

If a man is really excited about you, you can see him once a week and let him call you every day. He can text a little bit too. It really is fine. 

You don’t have to marry him or sleep with him or do anything you don’t want to do.

If he texts you several times a day, you don’t have to respond every time. If you’d like him to call instead, thank him for the text and say you’d love to chat later when you’re available.

After a few weeks, if he’s growing on you and still excited about you, you can agree to see him more often.

When you turn him down for anything, do so nicely. 

Remember, a man being excited about you is a good thing. It’s really great when you get used to it!

If you’re ready to get out there and find a man who’s excited about you, you’ll need an amazing profile. 

⁠Click here⁠ to grab my free guide to help you write one.