85. How to tell if you’re being loved bombed

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So many women confuse the gestures of a man who is excited about them with love bombing, so I decided to do a podcast about it to help you get clear on the difference.

Most new relationships go through a honeymoon phase and it does take a certain amount of enthusiasm to get a new connection going.

In most relationships, this interest and pursuit is generally on the man’s part and is well-intentioned because he is really excited about you.

Many women who have been around the block a time or two are wary of this level of attention and find it off-putting.

This is especially true if you have a pattern of dating unavailable men and feel uncomfortable with a man getting too close.

Some women see anything more than general standoffishness and slight neglect as overeagerness or even love bombing, but it is very normal for an emotionally healthy man who is excited about you to want to call or text you every day.

Love bombing is very excessive flattery, attention or gift giving and it is done to manipulate or gain control of you. Men who love bomb you are demanding, manipulative and won’t take no for an answer.

This is not just bringing flowers or chocolate to a first date or texting and calling often.

Love bombing is laying it on really thick, like declaring love before he has met you, calling you his soulmate in the first week, and pressuring you for something in return like a commitment, money, sex, or to move in together.

If you set a boundary, a love bomber will not respect it. A man who cares about you will.

True love bombing is malicious in intent. A man who is well-intentioned and truly cares for you may declare his feelings, reach out to you frequently or give you gifts, but will not pressure you to do things you are uncomfortable with.

A flattering, well-written enthusiastic opening message on a dating site is not love bombing.

Daily messages, texts or phone calls are not love bombing.

Talking about a future, asking to go on a trip, declaring feelings, asking if you’re seeing other people, or mentioning taking down your profiles is not love bombing.

That does not mean you have to say yes to any of these things. You can always set boundaries.

It is common for couples to have opinions about how fast a relationship should progress and for those opinions to be different. This can be very subjective.

I encourage you to respect the opinions of the men you date and have conversations with them.

Don’t expect a man to go at your exact pace and then accuse him of going “too fast” when he doesn’t read your mind.

Men who are excited about you will often move fast, but it isn’t love bombing unless it is done with malicious intent.

If you ever feel pressured because a man has said or done something, ask yourself if it is coming from your discomfort with the attention you’re being given or if you are being pressured to do something you are uncomfortable with.

Why are you feeling pressured? What are your boundaries? Have you made them clear? What will you do if they are not respected?

The answers to these questions will help you know if you’re really being love bombed and what to do next.

I have a great resource to help you create your very own custom man plan so that you can find a quality man ASAP.

Click here to download it or go to bit.ly/MANPLAN.